Kaz Matsui just hit a 2 out GRAND SLAM. 

That's right.  Kaz Matsui.  Grand slam.  Clutch spot.  Black is white.  Up is down. 

Go Rockies.

 

YouTube is probably the greatest invention of the modern era.  Every piece of crap that was ever created now sits on a YouTube server just waiting to be found.  What time could be better to rummage through the old YouTube scrap heap Mets treasures than after  an ugly loss to the Pirates? 

It is in that spirit that I bring you the first in a continuing series:  METS CRAP ON YOUTUBE!! 

Part 1:  1985 Mets WWOR promo 

You can see it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRH1wMWHvk4

I picked a short one to start as I’m still trying to figure out the best format for this evolving art form.  Channel 9 in New York never got all the credit it deserved for creating some awesomely memorable (and bad) programming in the 80’s and early 90’s.  Who can forget such classics like “The Morton Downey Jr. Show”, “Steampipe Alley” or my personal favorite “The Richard Bey Show”?  In this promo from 1985, Channel 9 wanted everybody to feel positive about the 1985 Mets with this catchy little “There’s a little  bit of winner in everyone” jingle (Try to get that earworm out of your brain today).

What’s going on in this commercial?  The first thing we see is an African-american young boy pitching who morphs into Dwight Gooden.  I’m right there with you Channel 9 so far, I get it.  By :06 seconds into this the wheels start to come off this thing like Armando Benitez in a late September save situation.  

We see a little girl swinging a bat and she turns into KEITH HERNANDEZ?!?  Now we all know how Keith feels about women being in the dugout, I can only imagine how he felt about THIS.  At least she’s a lefty.

Next, an old geezer pulls an “Endy Chavez” with a bag of popcorn.  First of all, shame on the popcorn vendor for making this old guy jump out of his chair for popcorn - that really seemed uncalled for.  Then the leaping old guy morphs into Dwight Gooden catching a fly ball by leaping in the air.  Why in the name of Benny Agbayani is Dwight Gooden leaping to catch fly balls?  

Then a big fat guy on a softball team is running into second base before he morphs into Wally Backman.  Now in fairness to Wally Backman, they couldn’t have morphed this fat dude into say… Sid Fernandez maybe? 

After Wally Backman steals second, another kid takes off his mask and turns into Gary Carter.  Gary Carter was inducted into the baseball hall of fame in 2003, but it’s about time that the voters put Gary Carter into the 80’s man perm hall of fame where he truly belongs.  And for some bonus Mets Crap on YouTube, here’s the most ironic entry:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cOvz3Jx7oo

Finally, it’s  a big group shot to end the scene and suddenly George Foster is there too.  Sorry you didn’t make the cut in the rest of the commercial.  All in all, it leaves you pretty pumped up for Mets vs. Dodgers.  

Next time on METS CRAP ON YOU TUBE, I’ll start taking a look at the three part film from 1987 called “Think Big” starring Gary Carter, Mookie Wilson and Roger McDowell.  Did I miss anything in my summary?  If I did, leave me a comment and let me know... and remember there's a little bit of winner in everyone (except Roger Cedeno).

And you thought you needed to watch out for lions the next time you were on safari....

Turns out that the hippopotamus is generally considered the deadliest animal in Africa.  I don't know about you, but I could never be killed by one.  I'd have a heart attack as soon as one of them took even a half-step in my direction.

That being said, we'd still love to hang with Jessica the Hippo the next time we're in South Africa.  Man, this has to be one of the coolest YouTube videos we've ever seen. 

It had me about the closest I've been to crying since the Mets traded Scott Kazmir.

As a complete aside, the video also helped me let go of a long standing grudge I've held against South Africans ever since I saw Lethal Weapon 2.    

I still can't believe those apartheid loving bastards killed both of Riggs' women.   So messed up. 

In very sad news,  The Weekly World News--otherwise know as "The Worlds Most Reliable Newspaper"--is shutting down its presses sometime this fall.

The Weekly World News never publicly questioned the accuracy of its own stories until 2004, when the paper began stating that "the reader should suspend disbelief for the sake of enjoyment".

Wow, sort of like The Metwork...

With their only publicity outlet closing its doors, spokesmen for Batboy, The MerMAN, Elvis and various other aliens and cryptids confirm that their clients have convened at the Neverland Ranch to embark upon a serious bender.

Man, this is going to make for one hell of a Celebrity Fit Club one day...

Editors Note:  Calls to the representatives of "The Worlds Fattest Baby" were not returned.

Introducing a new Metwork category:  MetWEIRD.

So while we're on the subject of dogs this lazy Saturday afternoon....Ever wonder what would happen if BALCO got their hands on a whippet?  Well, wonder no more.. Meet "Wendy the Whippet."
A National Institute of Health study reported that whippets with one single defective copy of the myostatin gene have increased muscle mass that can enhance racing performance in the breed, known for speeds up to 60 kilometres an hour. But whippets like Wende with two mutated copies of the gene become "double-muscled."

Perhaps Barry Bonds can use this excuse.   I'm not on steroids, I'm just double muscled.  

But seriously, we wonder if this dog drives an I-ROC and does a lot of tanning...

The Times Colonist reports that while whippets are called "bullies," Wendy likes nothing better than "a good back scratch" and isn't shy about sitting in your lap.

Okay, we want one.