Still not gay Idaho Senator Larry Craig has resigned from his post as a co-chairman of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney's Idaho Leadership Team, and Romney has already begun the machinations to distance himself as far as possible from Craig, stating:

"I don't know if Larry Craig is gay or whatever, but I'm about as un-gay as is humanly possible.  I mean, being Mormon and all I'd be happy to have 12 wives at the same time.  Isn't that like the opposite of gay?"

Alright, he didn't say that, but you know that's what he's thinking.

Anyway, I wanted to get a pool going to see what you guys believe will be the most likely statements coming from the Craig camp as this story continues to develop.

It may not be a reality, but at least you can buy the t-shirt.

If you actually pay attention to some of the Google AdSense banner ads on this site you've probably noticed how odd and random they are:  hearing aid gadgets for the elderly, video games, baseball collectors items, fantasy football, and so on.   However, the one that's really given me a chuckle is the John McCain presidential campaign banner.

As you are surely already aware, former front-runner McCain's campaign has faded fast and McCain now sits well behind Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney and Fred Thompson (who is not yet even officially in the race) in state and national polls.

And what is McCain's campaign free fall generally attributed to?  Without question it's been the failure to reach fundraising goals and the mismanagement of cash on hand. 

While some of McCain's people have taken issue with the "mismanagement" accusations, it's hard to argue that these people know what they're doing.

Let's just say is if you're spending any money on banner ads that are showing up on The Metwork you're entirely overvaluing the 26 votes we can give you in the tri-state area. 

A Slate article today pointed out that Caroline Giuliani, Rudy's daughter, was a member of the Facebook group Barack Obama (One Million Strong for Barack).  However, after the online magazine contacted her to ask her about her membership, Caroline left the group.

Caroline Giuliani’s spokesperson (she has a spokesperson?  Seriously?) responded by saying that Caroline’s membership in the group was “not intended as an indication of support in a presidential campaign and she has removed it. Caroline is not commenting on the 2008 election.” 

Considering the groups that are most popular on Facebook usually revolve around nostalgia for Saved by the Bell or some 18 year old kid’s promise to drink 4,700 beers if 10,000 people join, to call membership in a Facebook group supporting a candidate is a bit absurd…especially when it’s a 17 year old kid.

If you ask me, what Giuliani should be concerned about is that his daughter’s Facebook profile indicates that she’s looking for “random play” and “whatever [she] can get.”  That’s like an episode of Law and Order: SVU waiting to happen. 

Republican presidential hopeful Tom Tancredo galvanized the 2008 imbecile constituency by announcing his strategy to bomb the holiest of Muslim sites in Mecca and Medina should the United States homeland fall victim to another terrorist attack.

“If it is up to me, we are going to explain that an attack on this homeland of that nature would be followed by an attack on the holy sites in Mecca and Medina,” Tancredo said. “That is the only thing I can think of that might deter somebody from doing what they would otherwise do. If I am wrong, fine, tell me, and I would be happy to do something else. But you had better find a deterrent, or you will find an attack.”

Get bitten by an ant, then throw your fist into a beehive.  Great plan Tom.

Prior to entering politics, the bulk of Tancredo's professional experience came as a junior high school teacher.

Having run out of arguably legitimate reasons to bash Hilary Clinton, apparently someone has come up with a new strategy straight out of the Amish Farmer's Handbook...

...Boobie Bashing.

It seems Hilary Clinton wore a v-neck blouse on the floor of the Senate which caused a puritanical uproar from places unknown. Now we're not talking about pasties, a bikini or even a tube-top here. We're talking about a v-neck that shows about as much "boobage" as turtleneck sweater.

The mere fact I'm not uncontrollably retching at the site of Clinton's picture in this blouse confirms that there's absolutely no cleavage to be seen. 

That being said...

...if Clinton works her way into one of my late-night slumbering fantasies because of all this...I swear I'll either kill myself or vote Republican for the rest of my life.

Last night marked the first ever YouTube/CNN debate, where democratic presidential candidates fielded questions directly from citizens like you and me via self-produced YouTube Videos.

I was really psyched about this, but was ultimately left feeling let down.  When I heard "You Tube" I thought the candidates would be launching Mentos fueled Pepsi rockets at each other, or would at least lip-synch to some Maroon 5 jams. 

CNN reports that the video questions came in all forms -- people facing the camera straight-on, people in makeup, people with flash cards. And a talking snowman asked about global warming.

Most "experts" considered the debate to be relatively unremarkable and seemed to agree that none of the candidates did much to challenge Sen. Hillary Clinton's position as the Democratic race's front-runner.

The highlight of the evening had to come from Rep. Dennis Kucinich.   SpideyLuvr983's video posed the question, "How did a Keebler Elf like yourself land such a smokin' wife?"   Without hesitating Kucinich responded, "Hey babe, I've got a 12-inch penis."

Alright---we stole that from John Candy in Splash--but I definitely would have voted for this dude had he said that. 

Watch those open mics guys....

At the conclusion of the NAACP candidate forum Hilary Clinton and John Edwards were overheard talking about how to thin out the number of candidates participating in presidential events.

Busted...

While neither Clinton nor Edwards mentioned any candidate by name, The Metwork's favorite candidate wasn't having any of it...

Dennis Kucinich had this to say:

Aww...kinda cute.  Now go back to your tree and get us some more of those Keebler cookies...

Like it or not, today we live in a remarkably dangerous world.  So many different threats on so many different fronts: The war in Iraq rages on, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict grows worse by the day, Iran is dangerously close to becoming a nuclear power, Russia continues to roll back democratic reforms--not to mention the constant specter of Al Queda and other random acts of terrorism.

Looking forward to the 2008 Presidential Election,  America needs a leader that can stand up to these threats and let our enemies know that we mean business. 

Tough talk is always nice, but wouldn't a better strategy be to convince the Bin Laden's of the world that our president has completely lost his fuc#$in' mind?

Presidential hopeful Mike Gravel sure thinks so.   Check out his campaign video and see why Muslim extremists don't have a monopoly on crazy. 

Man, if we were Mahmoud Ahmadinejad we'd be running for the hills as soon as we saw Gravel throw the rock in the pond...

Wow, what the hell was that all about?

Highlights from last night's Democratic Presidential Candidate Debate included:

1-The debate held at Howard University had a definitive theme: the still pervasive racial divide in this country.

2-Hilary Clinton received a standing ovation when she said, ""Let me just put this in perspective: If HIV-AIDS were the leading cause of death of white women between the ages of 25 and 34 there would be an outraged, outcry in this country."

Lord knows there would be an outcry from Bill Clinton... That would cut right into the primary intern demographic...

3-Hilary Clinton also spoke of her efforts in Arkansas to raise school standards.

Good job. While most Arkansas school children still don't believe in evolution at least now they can spell it...

3-Delaware Sen. Joe Biden urged people to be tested for the AIDS virus, noting that he and Barack Obama had done so.

Ummm...is there something we should know guys?

4-Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel sat at the kids table and played Tetris.

Metwork 2008 "Who Cares? 08" coverage begins now, and we promise to be neither fair nor balanced.   We'll be offering presidential candidate profiles, campaign news, debate coverage, and, of course, primary and election results.   Party affiliation is irrelevant in The Metwork--we're only interested in who's saying what, why it's stupid and how we can make fun of it.  

First up, a profile of Representative Dennis J. Kucinich (OH)

Current Office: U.S. House
Party: Democrat

We know what you're thinking:  Marv Albert's running for President?   Nope.   That's Dennis J. Kucinich, arguably the first elf to ever run for the nation's highest office.   Laugh now about his chances for victory, but let's see who's laughing if we're ever attacked by the hobbits of middle-earth.  To date, despite continued strong sales of his people's Keebler-brand cookies, Kucinich has raised only $344,891.00 in campaign funds--$35 million less than Hilary Clinton.  Bright side?  He's $330K ahead of Mike Gravel, and still enjoys significantly more leg-room than any other candidate.  In response to poor campaign receipts Kucinich has launched a “One in a Million” campaign seeking $50 from each of one million supporters--a strategy that enjoyed some success in the late 70's when employed by legendary Cleveland area prostitute Fasty McPulljobs.

In the final analysis, The Metwork puts Kucinich's chances at 5000 to 1.   Then again, after getting a closer look at his wife we're not sure if there's anything he can't pull off.... 


Issues:
War in Iraq: Opposes
Universal Health Care: Supports
Roe v. Wade:  Supports
Gay Marriage: Supports
School Vouchers: Opposes
Three Strikes Sentencing Laws: Opposes
Gun Control: Supports
Citizenship for Illegals: Supports
Patriot Act: Opposes
Military Spending:  Supports decrease
Kyoto Treaty: Supports
Drugs: Enforce most laws, decriminalize marijuana
Amusement Park Ride Minimum Height Requirements: Opposes


Political Experience:
Representative, United States House of Representatives, 1997-present
Candidate, President of the United States, 2003-2004
Senator, Ohio State Senate, District 23, 1994-1996
Democratic Candidate, United States House of Representatives, 1972, 1988, 1992
Member, Cleveland City Council, 1970-1975, 1981-1982
Mayor, City of Cleveland, 1977-1979
Independent Candidate, United State's House of Representatives, 1974.

Astrological Sign
Libra

Current Car
Ford Focus Compact

Favorite Food
Fresh Fruits and Vegetables

Favorite Musician
Willie Nelson

Favorite TV Shows
C-SPAN (Cable Satellite Public Affairs Network)

First Job
Caddie